I was told I would never be a leader

Last night I participated in a leadership chat.  The topic of the chat was empathy as a characteristic of an effective leader.  This made me reflect upon my beliefs about leadership and my experiences as both a leader and a follower in education and in my life.

During one of my University courses, all of the students in my program completed a sociogram. The purpose of this exercise, as I understood it, was to examine who were the most influential "leaders" in our program.  We were each asked to record our name and the name of the person who most influences us among the members of our group.  I wrote my own name twice.  When the sociogram was projected for us to see, there I sat, an island alone.  The professor later told me (not an official quote but this is as clearly as I remember her words), "you will never be a leader because you see yourself as a leader but no one else does." These words have stayed with me all these years later, mostly because I disagree with them.  I don't think a leader need always be a charismatic person that people are drawn to.  The kind of leadership I believe in is about building relationships, establishing trust, being passionate about your purpose, about the people you serve and about those you lead.  A true leader is more that just a pretty face or a captivating speaker, or one with that "je ne sais quoi". A true leader is one who is, as the brilliant Angela Maiers would say, willing to "do the work".  While those other characteristics are certainly desirable in getting people to follow, they are not the characteristics that keep people following.

Personally, my road to leadership has not been smooth, it has been about proving to myself that I could do it and, through my hard work, showing others that I had not only the ability but the desire, strength and perseverance to continue to grow and develop my knowledge and skills. When, during University, I auditioned for the professional cheerleading team in my city, I was accepted as an alternate.  By the end of the second season, I was one of the team's captains.  I later went on to become the head coach and choreographer for the team.  I had six unsuccessful job interviews for administration before finally earning a position as an in-school administrator.  I haven't tried publishing a book yet but we can all predict how that is going to go!!!

I do think that effective leaders need empathy, they need to be able to listen, to relate but also be able to refocus people on the positives and on the purpose; mission, vision and values.  Great leaders know their people, they appreciate them, and they let them know it.  I really enjoyed the model illustrated in Ken Blanchard's book Whale Done and have found that, when authentically implemented, that recognition of achievement, of hard work and of passion is far more effective at building relationships than any speech, lecture down-dressing will ever be.  For me leadership is about empowering others and about inspiring passion so that we can work effectively toward a common goal.  It is not about holding power over another, being a bully, a baby-kisser (though I do love babies) or just another pretty face (although I will try that too if it works!)

So, to sum up, I think in many ways that professor was right, I did see myself as a leader and because no one else could see it the way that they were looking at me, I found a different way to show them.  Perspective is key, just like you need to turn the prism to see a rainbow, a true leader isn't necessarily obvious at first, it isn't just about what we see, it is about what we feel and what we know, what we value, what believe and how we share that with others.